Advice Post #3: How To Have More Body Confidence

Hi everyone!

Welcome back to my blog. This post is going to be about a topic that hits quite close to home. I’ll be trying to give you all advice on how to have more confidence about the way you look and how to lessen the insecurities you have about your figure or physical features.

Becoming fully self-confident is a journey, and feeling happier about your body is a huge part of becoming a confident person. When I say confident, I don’t mean loud, assertive and overbearing. Being self-confident means being firmly stood on your beliefs and not always overthinking/second-guessing yourself. It means knowing your worth. Sounds amazing, right?

Please note that I’m not a professional and if you’re struggling with eating disorders or anything else that roots from insecurities, please go see one. There is no shame in doing so. Also, do not take my advice over a professional’s.

I won’t be talking about my personal experience and weight, figures etc.: it will literally just be advice as I don’t want to trigger anyone. So, there will be nothing about anyone’s measurements/weight because that’s not the point of this post. Enjoy!

* This post is very long so I put a summary right at the end of the post. I recommend reading the whole thing but if you don’t have the time/ can’t be bothered, the option is there.

**If you feel like anything I said may be triggering for someone, please please let me know in the comments and I’ll put a trigger warning at the beginning of the post. 

Mindset

Arguably, the most important step to having more body confidence is to have a good mind set. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you look like: if you have a toxic mindset, you will not feel good about yourself.

Whenever you feel like you’re having negative thoughts about yourself, catch yourself out. Remind yourself that there is no room in your mind for thoughts such as my hair looks so bad today or I hate my nose. After you acknowledge that you shouldn’t have those thoughts (sometimes you might have to tell yourself off a little bit haha), make a conscious effort to go think about or do something else. Put some music on, read a book or watch TV or even make up a story in your head… anything that distracts you. Remember that you control your thoughts- so why would you want anything negative in there? 

Another thing that should help is finding what clothes you feel best and most confident in. This will take some experimenting, but with some research and trial-and-error, you’ll find clothes that you feel the best in. Do the same for hairstyles, make-up products (if you choose to wear make-up) and accessories. Dress for yourself and yourself alone, so if you find a certain style that you love and feel great in, don’t hold yourself back because you’re scared of what other people think. 

This next tip is a weird one, but it’s one that really does help. Every time you look in the mirror, smile at yourself. Just smile. Even if you’ve had a really bad day, even if you don’t like what you see, smile. You may have to force yourself at first but, after a while, you’ll associate your reflection and what you see in the mirror with positivity. It sounds bizarre but it helps a lot and it’s something that I highly recommend.

Stop comparing yourself to other people! I know you all do it, and I’m guilty of it myself, but it is so incredibly toxic. Just because your figure doesn’t look like hers, or her Instagram pictures are better than yours doesn’t make you a worse person. I might do a whole other post on how to stop comparing yourself to others as it is such an important topic, but it’s much easier said than done. 

Hype other people up and tell them they look great. But when you’re doing so, don’t put yourself down. I see and hear way too many people saying things like “I wish I looked like you” or “That’s it, I’m not eating anymore”. You might be saying it as a joke, but this is detrimental to your mental health. Over time, you’ll start to believe what you’re saying- and that’s not good. It is deceptively easy to tell someone that they look beautiful without saying something horrible about yourself. 

Lastly, remember that your body should be the least interesting thing about you. Honestly, who cares about your dress size or whether or not you fit in with society’s current beauty standards? If someone is really that invested in what you look like, then they have more issues than you do. It sounds harsh but it’s true. 

So, what is interesting about you? Your passions, your sense of humour, what makes you angry, what interests you. Your kindness, your empathy, your integrity, your sensitivity. In short, all things to do with your character. NOT what your nose looks like.

Social media

The next section is all about your social media feed. You need to evaluate if any of the accounts you follow are making you feel bad. There are plenty of toxic influencers out there who press a false sense of perfection on their followers, or even the not-so toxic ones who seem to look amazing. If any of these accounts make you feel bad, unfollow them. It’s simple as. Sometimes, these accounts could be your friend’s ones. I get that it can be socially unacceptable to unfollow them, so you can just mute them instead. 

Ideally, every time you leave Instagram, or any other social media app, you should feel uplifted, educated and more positive. If this isn’t the case, and especially if you feel worse after closing the app, follow/unfollow certain accounts to change this. What is the point in having social media if all you’re going to do is suck yourself into a negative headspace?

I also recommend having a set few accounts to scroll through whenever you’re feeling particularly insecure. Here are some body positive accounts that I love:

@bodypositivepear

@alexlight_ldn

@bodyposipanda

@nerabouttown

@tess.daly

@iskra

Social media doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t be, a toxic space.

Environment

It’s always important to watch your surroundings and who you’re hanging out with. Sometimes it’s the people you surround yourself with that make you feel the worst. If you feel as if the people around you are contributing to your insecurities, let them know! They might not be aware that they’re making you feel bad. Remember that your feelings are always valid, and your friends should know this too. If you’re affected by their backhanded compliments or their tendency to put other people down, tell them. If they don’t understand, cut them off. Sometimes, relatives are the ones to put you down, and that’s totally normal as well. Just tell them (or someone else if you’re too scared) that what they’re saying is hurtful.

While this tip is important, it’s vital to remember that what other people say shouldn’t make you hate your body. Aim to be the person who doesn’t get affected at all by what other people think. It’s hard, but it’s possible. You can’t control other people and what they say, but you can control how you respond to them.

Looking after yourself

This last section is on how to look after yourself properly so that you feel more confident in your body. One of my top tips is, surprisingly, exercising and eating healthy. Some people might think that it’s impossible to preach exercise and being confident in your body. But that isn’t the case at all. Exercising can be an amazing thing for your body and it helps to keep you healthy. It’s all about the mindset: you should be exercising to get healthier, stronger and fitter NOT to get skinnier, to look like that model on Instagram or to change your body completely. As long as you do it for the right reasons and realise that your body is beautiful as it is, exercise is really helpful and can only be a good thing. I’ve been working out more during lockdown and, even though my body hasn’t changed much physically, I feel so much better about the way I look. 

Lastly, make sure you’re focusing on your character rather than the way you look. As I said before, your character is what people should be focusing on, so that is where most of your energy should be going into. And, for the record, being a certain size is not a personality trait. Educate yourself and learn new skills. Do one random act of kindness a day. Learn how to be friendlier. Recognise the type of person you are, and the type of person you want to be, and work towards it. Don’t change your whole personality though: just be the best version of yourself. (This is another topic I love talking about, so if you want another advice post talking more about this, then let me know).

Here’s a quick summary:

• Mindset
  Catch yourself out when you’re putting yourself down
  Find out which clothes you feel most comfortable in
  Smile at yourself every time you look in the mirror
  Stop. Comparing. Yourself. To. Others.
  Hype other people up without putting yourself down
  Remember that your body should be the least interesting thing about you

• Social media
  Keep an eye out for toxic accounts on your social media feed
  Unfollow/mute accounts that make you feel bad
  Everytime you leave instagram, you should feel uplifted
  Have a set few accounts you look through whenever you feel insecure
  
  

• Environment
  Watch who you hang out with
  Understand that friends or even relatives can make you feel bad
  Shut down/ cut off those people
  Remember that what they say shouldn’t get to you: confidence comes from within

• Looking after yourself
  Exercise and eat healthy
  Make sure you have the right mindset when you do so: you should want to get healthier, stronger and fitter- not skinnier
  Focus the most on bettering your character rather than changing the way you look

So, those were my tips on how to have more body confidence. I hope you found any of these tips useful in some way. Personally, this is still something I’m working towards, but these tips have really helped me along on my body confidence journey. So, if you have any further advice, please leave it in the comments for myself and for other people to see. Remember that you are in control of your mindset, your social media feed, your environment and how you treat your body physically. 

Please also remember that you are all absolutely beautiful. There is no such thing as ‘unattractive’- but there is such a thing as ‘unconventionally attractive’. Society just makes the unconventionally attractive girls feel as if they’re ugly, when that is completely false. If you need to talk about anything, feel free to comment on your thoughts, at any time and under any of my posts and I’ll try giving you advice. My blog is a safe space for everyone. 

As I said before, I’m not a professional so don’t take my advice as a substitute for a professional’s. There is also no shame in seeing one if you need to. Do not take some random 15 year old on the Internet’s advice instead of a fully qualified professional haha- these are just some tips that have helped me out a lot.

As I also said before, if you feel as if anything I said is triggering for yourself or could potentially be triggering for anyone else, I apologise in advance and please let me know in the comments. I’ll put a trigger warning at the beginning of the post if this is the case.

Thank you so much for reading this post and I hope you found it helpful! Sorry about it being so long: I tend to ramble and this is a topic that is so important to me. There is also so much about this topic to cover, and I didn’t want to restrict myself. 

Please subscribe by pressing the button at the top of your page and, if you have a blog, leave it in the comments section so that I can check it out too. Please also share this if you found it useful as I’d like to help as many people as I can. See you next Saturday!

Stay safe,

Alisha xx