Turning Fifteen: Birthday Blues and Goals

Hi everyone!

Welcome back to my blog. I'm finally turning fifteen on Monday (July 6) and, truthfully, I'm having mixed feelings about this. There's something about birthdays that both excites me and terrifies me and every summer, as July gets closer, I can almost feel the years slipping through my fingers. It sounds so dramatic but growing up is thrilling yet scary and in some ways, I can't wait to get older and see where time takes me as I move through adolescence and into adulthood. I'm really excited to learn how to drive, earn money and become more independent. But, equally, my responsibilities increasing and seeing the world getting uglier is also part of getting older which isn't so appealing! 

As some of you may know, I am currently living away from my extended family: I live with my immediate family in the Middle East but my grandparents, cousins etc. all live in the UK (check out my perks of growing up in different cultures post for more insight). Every summer, I go back to the UK and spend the summer over there which means I get to spend my birthday with my extended family and friends in the UK. But obviously, given the virus, this year is different and I'm not going to see them at all this summer which kind of sucks. This is my first year spending my birthday away from them, so the birthday blues hit me a little bit worse this year. 

Having said all that, I know that I am incredibly lucky and I could be in a much worse situation. There is no point in me complaining about something I cannot change and dwelling on what I'm missing out on. Instead of enjoying my birthday (that only happens once a year), I'll just end up kicking off my next year to a negative start and that's not helping anyone. So, I'm trying my hardest to snap out of that mindset and be grateful for what I have.

One thing that makes me more optimistic is planning and setting out goals. Unlike most people, I'm usually more focused on my goals towards the end of summer rather than at the beginning of January because, being a student, I'm more motivated at the start of a new academic year because more things change. For me, a new school year with new teachers and classes gives me a better chance of a fresh start than a new year on the calendar does. Therefore, being a summer baby is very beneficial to me because it means that I can set goals for my new academic year as well my new birth year (if that makes sense). So, I decided to share some of the goals I have set for myself with you guys. 

1. Get grades that I'm happy with for my GCSEs

At the end of my next school year, I'll hopefully be sitting GCSEs which are very important exams. Notice how I said that I want to be happy with the grades I get, rather than get good grades because success is always relative and, in my opinion, a 'good' grade simply doesn't exist. To someone, getting a B is amazing but someone else will be disappointed with that grade: it's all about doing things to the best of your ability. I do want to get high grades as I am very academically-minded (but that doesn't make me smarter than a less academic person!) but I will have to put the work in. That means staying organised, managing my time, working hard and trying to maintain good physical and mental health.

2. Go out more often

I am a very introverted person and, over the years, I've said no countless times when my friends ask me to go out. But now, having spent months in isolation, I'm missing going on days out with my friends and family. Next year, I want to make more of an effort to say yes to more outings and plan some of my own (which I'm also really bad at!).

3. Keep up the hobbies I've taken up in lockdown

I've started blogging regularly, writing articles, teaching myself the piano, writing creatively and working out during this self-isolation period and I've enjoyed all of them. When school starts and when life takes off again, I hope that I continue with these hobbies. Obviously, I know that I won't have as much time, but I do want to continue them to some extent. 

4. Become more confident

This is one of my goals every year, but every year I do become slightly more confident. I'm a very shy person and, although I can hold a conversation one-on-one, I stay almost silent in large groups especially if I feel like I don't belong there in some way. Next year, I want to become confident enough to be able to talk to people in groups without getting panicked. It's a long shot, but I'll try taking baby steps!

I'm also the type of person who doesn't go out of their way to make new friends. If someone approaches me, I'll talk to them and be friendly, but I'm never the one reaching out. If I'm sitting next to someone in class, I will talk to them but I won't go up to them during breaktimes. This is something I really want to change! 

As well as this, I want to increase my self-confidence and stop being so insecure about the way I look.

5. Dream journal

Recently, I've started writing all my dreams down in a notebook. As soon as I wake up, I remember my dreams very vividly and some of them are hilarious! So I write them down. They're really fun to look back on so I want to keep doing this. Maybe I'll write up a blog post later on telling you guys about some of the dreams from my journal... 

6. Look after myself better 

I'm incredibly fortunate in that I don't have any physical or mental illnesses (Alhumdulillah) but I need to maintain this and make sure my health doesn't slip.

I've been working out more recently which does wonders for both my physical and mental health and I've also been trying to eat more fruit and veg. I don't eat a lot of junk food anyway as it physically makes me feel terrible (my stomach hurts and sometimes I throw up if I indulge in too much junk or processed food) but there's always room for improvement.

As for my mental health, I need to learn how to help myself and my problems before I help everyone else. I am a very empathetic person and I have cried and panicked countless times over issues that do not concern me in any way. Being so empathetic makes a nicer person but it can often be very mentally draining and sometimes I get caught up in everyone else's problems and don't focus on my own. This is something I really want to work on.

7. Stop caring about what other people think 

I'm such a people-pleaser and I will go out of my way to make sure that no one has a problem with me but, sometimes, it's at the expense of my own happiness. I know that this is completely illogical because I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay. The only thing I can do is make sure I'm a good person and that I'm happy with myself. This is a lot easier said than done!

In addition to this, if someone upsets me, I wouldn't tell them in case they got mad or hurt. But that's not fair on myself or on them. So, I'm going to try to be slightly blunter with people and not get so hung up on what they think of me. 

So, those are my thoughts and goals now that I'm turning fifteen. This will be fun to look back on this time next year to see if I actually followed through with my targets! Let me know if getting older scares you like it scares me in the comments, and comment any goals you are trying to achieve.  

Thank you so much for reading this post and I hope you enjoyed it! Please subscribe by clicking on the button at the top of your page and, if you have a blog, leave it in the comments so that I can check it out. Follow my Twitter @alishascornerxx and I follow everyone back. See you next Saturday!

Stay safe,

Alisha xx